Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Day 52: Changing minds

The drugs did something to my brain.

I guess our brains really are made of chemicals. I don't know rightly how to describe the effect other than what I felt initially, that I had lost a certain "edge" or "sharpness". My thoughts became not hazier, but blunter. I wonder if there is actually any discernible difference; say, if I took different standardized tests on and off medication, if there might be any difference.

My journal records "Little memorable happened today", which can perhaps be taken as evidence that I was not seeing or experiencing things as intensely as I had been. However, it also contains shocking proof that the medication did have a severe effect on my cognitive powers:

"Today, I felt sorry for a mallard."

I suppose I must have become at least somewhat accustomed to my new chemical state because reading that sends shudders down my spine.

I do remember the bird. She was sitting on a log, as still as possible while keeping an eye on me. Her only defense was if I did not see her. She truly had a broken wing. While birds mocking that state make a huge commotion of yelling and flopping all around to get your attention, the actual, real thing must paralyze the bird in fear.

I had mercy on her, giving as much distance as possible while I passed.

I'm sorry folks. If it wasn't for these allergies and the drugs they make me take, I might have rid the earth of a member of its third worst species. My only consolation is she probably did not live long anyway with that broken wing.

Day 52 ended: 50*38.666N, 102*54.245W

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